I don't know what life I want...which is better and more fullfilling in the end?

I think whatever makes you happier is the best idea. In my opinion I think you should stay exactly where you are. You can't go about life regretting a choice just because you are not feeling financially secure. It seems that you want adventure and to live life and if your ex didn't provide that for you, you will never be happy going back and if you settle down you won't be happy which is the most important part about life. You're not ready to settle down yet and you can't control that. Wait until you are ready. Live life to the fullest for now.